First selfie 😊 I love him so much ❤ #ChristianKeebHang (at Summa Akron City Hospital)
Over the past couple of days, I’ve been very radical with my decisions. Why? Unfortunately, I can’t answer that. I can’t explain my reasoning as much as I can explain how to put faith into God. And that’s what I’m doing. It’s something that people will look at and tell me I’m crazy. But, I have to do it. I just have to. Psalm 25:1 says, “In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.” And that’s what I plan on doing. I plan on putting all my trust and time and my everything into God, because he’s the only one that can do something now.
This is no title for this post. I’m not even sure why I’m typing this. I don’t know what’s right, or wrong, or if I’m going insane. Today I just lost, someone I love, someone that meant the world. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
God, I need your help.
You know that feeling you get before you make a huge decision? A decision that will change your life. It’s scary. You don’t know what will happen, or what it might do, but you have to decide. I know how this feels because, I’ve gone though it. I’m going though it right now. this decision will not only change my life, but the other person’s life as well. To be totally honest, I have no Idea why I’m choosing this way, but I feel like I need to. The other person may not understand, but, I don’t have an answer for them. I hate making these kinds of decisions, to be totally honest. I feel like I’m a horrible person for doing this, or that I shouldn’t be doing this, but, I feel like I have to.
I guess I’m just following sure hope. Just, hope. I have to trust in myself that this it’s supposed to go this way.
Do you ever get that feeling where, you feel like you don’t belong? You know, that feeling where, you feel like everything is crumbling, your world is falling, the skies are black, and the world is lifeless? As if everything is black and white?
You wake up, to find your skin gray, and the world is dull, filled with hues of black and white. You want to know what’s going on, but, you just have no motivation anymore.
Your clothes have no uniqueness. Your eyes cease to glimmer. You are, normal.
As you go throughout the morning, already thoughts of contemplating suicide, or self-inflection of pain, or how you don’t matter in this world. How you are so boring, and dull. You’re just, there. Not going anywhere, or even, trying to act like you care. You are normal. You walk outside, look at the grass, no color. The sky is nothing by gloom and sadness.
You come home, to find a parent who won’t give you the time of day, or will abuse you for no reason. The pain they have encountered over the years and couldn’t cope with have regurgitated onto you. They neglect you, and push you away as if you’re not wanted, or they don’t even want you in their life. You feel weak, and not powerful.
You go to school, and you find yourself dueling with the boy/girl who likes to bully and control you. You feel weak, and lonely. They have broken you down emotionally and physically. Over the years, the constant vulgarity and profanity pushed on you has slowly deteriorated you into nothing but a shell.
Your heart is, empty.
Then, it happens.
Someone walks over to you, someone unfamiliar. Someone you’ve never talked to, or even thought they knew who you were. They come up and ask for your name. Ask how you’re doing, how your day’s going. You think in your head, “This is weird. Why does this person want to know all of this?” Then, they ask you if you would like to get some coffee later today. Unsure, you agree.
Later that day, you meet up with that unfamiliar person. You are shaking, your hands are sweaty, and you are terrified for your life.
The person buys you coffee. “Why did they do this?” You think to yourself.
You both sit down in a booth by the window. Skies are gray, just like any other day. The hues of the colors are the same they look everyday.
"Are you okay?" They ask you.
"Y-y-yeah…." You reply, shuddering. You don’t want them to know the truth.
They say to you, “You know, you don’t have to hide it. You can trust me.”
You feel something.
Something in your body, a feeling. A weird feeling. A feeling you haven’t felt for a long time. Compassion. This stranger, that doesn’t know you, showed compassion for you.
It was here, where you finally lay it all down.
You start to cry. Tears are falling left and right, and a small puddle of tears starts to form right underneath your head. You cover your face, trying to hide it, but, they push your hands away.
"It’s okay." They said. The love in their words, makes your heart pound and tears fall faster.
From there, you tell them everything. How you’ve been emotionally scarred, physically abused, and literally broken down in every way. They cry with you, and they switch over to your seat to hold you.
For once, you feel love. A powerful emotion that carries a lot of feeling. You feel like you’re actually cared for. This person, doesn’t know who you are, and they have opened their hearts and poured love into you.
They start to tell you about this man named Jesus Christ, a great man who was the son of God. These miraculous stories of compassion and love are overbearing. Then they explain how Jesus loved you and them so much, that he gave his life for us. A Great Sacrifice, in the name of love.
You ask them, “How can I show Jesus I love him back?”
They reply, “It’s simple. Follow him. Be him. And share his love.”
You and the person exit the coffee shop, hug, and part ways. As you walk home, you notice something. The grass looked, greener. The sky has a blue hue to it. Your clothes explode in color. You feel as if your heart is filled with endless love. You feel, reborn. A new person. You feel, unique.
Love, is powerful. God is powerful. God’s love is, miraculous.
Give it away.